remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
