Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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