At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
