...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
