a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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