i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
