Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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