I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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