she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
