I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
