i will never coherently bang her
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
