When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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