in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
