I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
