Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
