I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
