I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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