im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
