Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just want to make out with him forever
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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