drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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