I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
