i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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