Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize