i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
