drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You pole danced in your parka.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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