I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
