My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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