I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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