every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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