When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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