Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
