then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
