It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
