Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
