I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
