When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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