Just fell off a train. Bad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
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I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
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Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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