i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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