Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
