You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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