im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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