I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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