He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
