Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
