I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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