i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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