Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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