my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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