i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
