Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
