your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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