I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
