Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
