4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
