wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
