oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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