Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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