Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
pray to the hookup gods
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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