I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's get the cat blown out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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