so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize