i think my tv is drunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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