my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
