oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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