I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
