my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
