Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
