just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
