Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
