There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
